I haven't thought about 3:45 am in many, many years...but last night as I struggled to get up to use the restroom I noticed the time..."Oh no! There it was again!" That horrid hour! The reason that I left Puerto Rico so many years ago to begin a new life! There it was to remind me...to bring up all of those memories! I can't believe that at the end of this month, it will be 27 years that she has been gone! Where has the years gone! I still remember her last breath! I remember my grandmother's last words! I remember it all! It never really goes away! I miss being able to talk to her. Maybe that is why my joints been hurting me so much lately! Stress is not a good thing for Rheumatoid Arthritis...In fact the doctors tell you to live a stress free life...but how do you get rid of the stress from the past? The stress of remembering that this is the anniversary month of such a horrid memory is more than my body can take. I just need to allow the memory to come and then let it go. I need to keep the faith in Jesus Christ and allow Him to do His work in me!
You see that no matter how many years have gone by, I still feel guilty that she died and I didn't. Maybe I still struggle because my life was able to continue and her life was cut short at the young age of 18.
I need to remind myself what I tell others, "When Satan comes knocking on the door, I need to let Jesus answer the door." So, Satan, take note! I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!
In John 16:33, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."
Jesus is ready to do battle for me. I know that He is! I just need to allow Him to do His work.
Until the next time...please know that I am praying for you and I ask that you continue to pray for me...
God Bless you...and I hope that I can sleep past... 3:45 am....
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